5 Questions To Ask Before Becoming Exclusive
Is this the year of being boo’d up? If it is what you want, let's manifest that bae so we can be all cuddled up on the couch under a blanket watching y’alls favorite show. Before we get too in love…sit down with your person and ask these 5 questions so you know if you want to take the relationship to the next level.
What are your non-negotiables?
Having a sense of what is an “absolutely not” will help you and your sweets establish boundaries and be on the same page to know what the deal breakers are. Sitting down together in the early dating phase and discussing this can not only bring you closer, but can help you to learn more about each other's past and how you each want the future to be. If you find a majority of your non-negotiables are not a big deal to them or they give you push back, they may not be your person. Best to know early than to find out later on when you are in too deep!
What other areas are you putting your energy into right now?
Does this person have the emotional capacity to be exclusive? Are they in school or is work very demanding? Do they have a sick parent or are they taking care of other family members? Are they in the throes of starting a new business? Being realistic about how much ‘relationship’ you can handle right now is valid and should be taken seriously so you aren’t disappointed when they can not spend as much time on the relationship as you would like. It is absolutely appropriate to ask for a timeline of when they will be able to prioritize YOU. It is also ok if they can’t give you one so you know whether or not to move on. Doing relationship check ins often (beginning of the month) is strongly encouraged so you both know what you each have on your plate for the upcoming weeks.
What kind of relationship do you want to have?
No relationship is one size fits all and the grass isn’t greener on the other side. Now traditional monogamous relationships are not the only thing out there. There are also non monogamous relationships like monogamish, solo-poly, a free relationship, and the well-known polyamory. Because people might decide to be in a monogamous relationship does not mean the 'structure' they are after in a relationship is the same across the board. There might be rules and boundaries to uphold so you are both on the same page about what your ideal relationship should look like.
What kind of Kinky things are you into?
By now your person should know you are a pole dancer but hopefully they are not fetishizing you because of what you do. Ask them what they think of you pole dancing and be sure to explain why you pole whether it be for work or for play. As for their kinks, have open nonjudgmental conversation so you know what to expect and are not surprised in the bedroom. Allow people to express their fetishes, fantasies, and kinks freely. After that, it can be decided whether those kinks work for both parties or if they absolutely don't.
Is there anyone else out in the world who believes they are in a relationship with you?
Whew! Now y’all know folks love blurring the lines with ish like “oh nah that's just the homie”...”we used to kick it”...”we only slept together a few times” …It can be very gray! If the two of you are casual and have still been entertaining and dating other people, or even if there are some exes that just won’t go away, this is a VERY valid question and should be asked before moving into anything exclusive and official. This way it is clear to both parties if the two of you are single-single or if there is some communication that might need to take place to make boundaries clear to people outside of your relationship out of respect for the relationship you are creating with each other. What we don't need in 2023 is you posting Bae and here come ol’ girl sliding in your DM’s talking about he was with me 2 nights ago. To be safe, take Cardi’s advice “If Ain’t no ring on my finger, you ain't goin on my gram!”
Be open and honest with yourself and your partner! If something doesn't feel right, don't ignore it; bring it up! Life is too short to be in a situation that isn't fulfilling and thriving. Go out there, be honest, and find yourself a healthy relationship that brings you joy. Here's to a new year filled with lots of love!